Fate

Euphoria., Yes I know I'm happy,really happy right now. I'm feeling this so called thing we called "LOVE" again after years of solitude and bitterness.

-Anton, RN,RM,MSN 

:)

Learning to breathe

City lights that shine bright outside. The smell of nicotine in the cold breeze. My dark room that is filled with questions. Questions from within,that I myself couldn't answer.

And as My chemical romance's Cancer, keeps on playing on the audio. I can't help myself but cry.

There are still times, I can remember my younger sister and honestly, she is one of the very few things that keeps me going on with life. She became my motivation to pursue my goals not just for myself but for my family.

I'm tired of crying, I can hide this emotions but deep inside I'm dying, I'm longing, I'm yearning.

I miss everything

-Anton

Taste of bitterness

"Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you".

Lyrics from Cancer of My chemical romance. Sad but true
- Anton

To God be the Glory

God is indeed good.

I'll be forever thankful for all the Blessings,God the Father has given me.


- Anton Jay T. Tan, RN,RM
  Nurse 2- Sta.Ana Hospital

The Air King is back

It's been a long hiatus. Sorry for not updating my blog often. I wanted to keep away from the blogosphere and now I'm back again. 

And as a registered nurse, I think its much easier to explain things in a charting format. :) 

Nurses notes:

> Hospital volunteer days are over. Its been 5 months since I volunteered at that public hospital. I learned a lot from it. I started from scratch and now I can say it proudly that I improve.

> Staff nurse position ahead of me. God Help me. I'm just waiting for a call from the hospital. More prayers for me.

 > Midwifery Licensure examination is a few days from now. I know I can make it once again with God's help. 

> Schooling at june at UERM. I hope I can manage to enroll on time.

> Time is running, I'm still on the verge of curiosity and questions but in due time I'll know all the answers in my questions.

  

" Therefore I will proclaim your name, O Lord among the nations, and I will sing praise to your name"                           

                                                                                          2 Sm 22:50

-Anton

Untitled

Right now, I'm starting to formulate this unusual words trying to make a sensible sentence.

Right now I'm on the cross road of my life, thinking what I will be a few years from now.

Right now I'm still hoping for a simple life.

Right now I can barely continue to write.

Right now,All I want is my life, I lost it somewhere and I'm looking for it again.

-Anton

The past,The present and counting

I wish I could turn back time and change some things at my past.

I wish I could smile wholeheartedly and greet the morning sun.

I wish I never felt this numb and lonely.

Things are not going smoothly,change is inevitable and I'm still afraid to accept it.

I'm so tired, I want to be back on track,help me God.

-Anton

Chocolates and Flowers:post Valentine

Hearts day or the ever famous Valentines day had made its way again. And I know I'm late for this valentines' post. 

Yes, yes I know I wanted to feel this so called thing we called "love" again. I wanted to celebrate again V-day with flowers and chocolates in my hand. The feeling that you'll be making someone happy with these presents, and the smiles you'll be sharing, the sweet " I love you and I do".

And I know I'm one of those person who patiently waits, I do love to give this special someone every single thing that could make her happy.I'm a part of a group who have tried their luck in love, you would know that it doesn't always happen the way you want it to. It's not all about the good times and the I'm always here for you statements or even the sweetest promises. More often than not, love leaves you hanging or at least the person you love does. 

In other words, Love hurts in spite the efforts you made. It's a rational truth that is hard to accept

This might be the reason I'm still afraid to fall in love again.

And if ever the love angel hears my plead: "I'm still here waiting."

-anton 

Dull

A lot of things happen lately. I'm still volunteering at a public hospital in Manila. Its been a couple of months since I started. I haven't even updated my blog, sorry for those who are still visiting my site.

Sigh. Life sometimes is so dull. Plain and simple. 

I'ts just like that your life revolves around a small routine.

Home- Hospital duty-Sleep/Eat- Wake up and do the same thing again. I'm not tired of doing this things maybe I just need something new I can spend some time with.

-Anton

I'm looking forward for this job opportunity ahead of me.Nurse 1 position. Help me God, guide me always. I know I passed the final interview and with Your Good Grace,surely I'll make it.

Senti

"Mahal ka ba niya talaga?"

Tas sinabi mong : 

"Wag mo akong iwan,ayaw kong mag isa."

Ok lang sakin na abutin ng umaga, LAHAT AY GAGAWIN PARA KA LANG MAPASAYA..

Nagtataka ako, nag seselos..

"Mahal ka ba niya talaga?"

Dahil ako MAHAL KITA.

MAHAL NA MAHAL...

-anton

Take me to Neverland

I don't know how to start. All I want is to go to Neverland, a place where no one grew up.

I guess this is just my way of escaping my thoughts.
_____________________________________________________
Random:

Days are counting, and I still don't have the guts to convey my feelings. Maybe I'm just shy or  I'm one of those typical "torpe". I really don't care much about if my friends call me like this but deep inside I know I'm wasting my time waiting for the right time to propose to this lovely lady.

Indeed, I'm longing to have someone.I have my family and friends but this someone I'm talking about is,someone whom I can talk to,share my dreams and would give me a hug during the cold nights of my life.

I would love to have someone I can hit the outskirts of the city with, watch last full shows, overlook the city and just talk about anything and everything. Someone who thinks that there is a Supreme Being. This someone should smile a lot. And it seems that this someone is unique. I know she is and she will always be.

But what hurts most is that I can't tell her what I feel.

As the guy, I was expected to make the first move. Eventually, I got too good at lying to myself. Telling myself to wait more for the right time. When will be this right time, I know I'm just making excuses and I can't fool myself. The system in me just wanted to break loose and shout to the world that I'm a dirtbag.

And maybe Neverland was also an excuse.

But even for once, How I wish Peter pan can bring me and this someone to Neverland, where we can stay forever,happily.

Anton :) <3