Random

I'm now staring at this blank space,thinking of something significant to write.My fingers are numb,my eyes are teary and my whole body is tired from work.

I continue to breathe and look above the ceiling. It didn't even give me a clue. I turned around and saw my bed and it was telling me to sleep but I still resisted, I need to write something,something worth sharing.

Then something crossed my mind.I was thinking about the concept of death. It may sound weird but I can help myself thinking of it. I have seen my love ones left and I don't even know what will happen to me after death. No one can answer this mystery.

Honestly,I'm not afraid to die,the only thing I'm scared of is losing the people I love. 

Things were different before. And as I try to reminisce my past experiences.My experiences molded me of what I am today.I learned from it and I'm thankful that God had touched me in one way or another.

The hardest part of death are goodbyes.Deaths are endings. We cry during funerals because we will miss our loved ones, we will miss their smiles,how they cheer us but if we came to think about it,in some ways,we become selfish.We don't owe our families,friends and everyone around us. God the Supreme Being owns us.

But during the time that my sister was on ICU. I was praying hard to Him. I never prayed that hard ever since in my life. I wanted Him to give my sister some more years to live. I become selfish that time but I can't blame myself, if only I could trade my life for her, I would gladly accept the deal. He took her from us. I was full of regrets.My reaction was a complete denial. It may be normal in the initial stage of the grieving process but the pain of separation from someone you love hurts more. Its the pain that even medicines can't cure.

I still miss her. 

I can't questioned God and I know He is always right. And now, slowly I'm still coping with this pain. 

Death holds a mystery and eternity is beyond man's understanding. I'll be ready to meet death with a smile. I'll be reuniting with my Creator in a paradise full of happiness.

P.S.
Need to get a lot of sleep.I'm sleeping during the day and working at night in the Hospital. Need to adjust my body clock.

`Anton(antonnoblesseoblige.blogspot.com)