Don't know how to start but it seems that,thoughts are coming out of my mind.
In a few days I'll be turning 21 and I'm as clueless as ever as to where my life is going right now. For starters, I've been working for a couple of months now and yet the only thing I can say I truly owned would be my cellphone. Yes, you heard it right, just my cellphone.
I had lived in a closely knitted family.My mother had been very supportive maybe that’s why I feel invincible sometimes. I was never afraid to take chances because I know when I fail, I can always take my refuge at home. I really love having options or should I say plan B's. The feeling that you can and you have the power to change the course of your life at your hand.
I already had some trainings recently, my basic life support with cpr in Red cross manila was the latest because I have this urge to keep myself busy,routines are killing me. It seems that my life is monotonous and everyday I'm searching for something,something that will give meaning to my existence.
Seriously though, I feel like I'm gliding through life without a clue. My so called "memory blues" are attacking me again and can't help myself but to write, write and write until I express my thoughts into words.
Everyday I face the world with a big smile,pretending I'm just fine but deep inside there is this piece of loneliness. Maybe I've mastered the ability to block away any pain and I've successfully taught myself to be used to being left behind. I may sound pathetic but it's quite true.
This pain hurts badly, And now, I can't stop this tears from falling.,it sucks...my life sucks...everything sucks. I don't want to force anything anymore. I don't want to settle with anything that comes my way thinking that I would never get a chance to have one again. Then regret everything later.
September blues...leave me alone.
And for once, i just want to be happy again just like the good old days of my childhood.
-anton
In a few days I'll be turning 21 and I'm as clueless as ever as to where my life is going right now. For starters, I've been working for a couple of months now and yet the only thing I can say I truly owned would be my cellphone. Yes, you heard it right, just my cellphone.
I had lived in a closely knitted family.My mother had been very supportive maybe that’s why I feel invincible sometimes. I was never afraid to take chances because I know when I fail, I can always take my refuge at home. I really love having options or should I say plan B's. The feeling that you can and you have the power to change the course of your life at your hand.
I already had some trainings recently, my basic life support with cpr in Red cross manila was the latest because I have this urge to keep myself busy,routines are killing me. It seems that my life is monotonous and everyday I'm searching for something,something that will give meaning to my existence.
Seriously though, I feel like I'm gliding through life without a clue. My so called "memory blues" are attacking me again and can't help myself but to write, write and write until I express my thoughts into words.
Everyday I face the world with a big smile,pretending I'm just fine but deep inside there is this piece of loneliness. Maybe I've mastered the ability to block away any pain and I've successfully taught myself to be used to being left behind. I may sound pathetic but it's quite true.
This pain hurts badly, And now, I can't stop this tears from falling.,it sucks...my life sucks...everything sucks. I don't want to force anything anymore. I don't want to settle with anything that comes my way thinking that I would never get a chance to have one again. Then regret everything later.
September blues...leave me alone.
And for once, i just want to be happy again just like the good old days of my childhood.
-anton
Hey man it's jerell.
ReplyDeleteSo your birthday is on september also? haha, that's cool. When? Mine's in the 4th. So many people on september...
Oh and here's some words from me. What you're going through... trust me, it's just a phase (whether short or long term). I've got that so called blues when I turned 21. It's the beginning of adulthood. It's only human for us to feel that way. Eventually you'll look back to this day and think otherwise. It all depends on your outlook in life and how you live it. Don't wallow in this phase. You're just going to aggravate this feeling you currently have. Since you have such a promising career, I know you'll find whatever it is your looking for in life and add more meaning to it eventually. You'll find that missing piece. Patience is a virtue, bro! Continue to have a positive outlook in life..
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Dude.. I hope I didn't sound too mushy that time! Excuse me in advance if that creeped ya out LOL!. But seriously. I've been there and done that. Thanks to the people I've met, I've began to have a more positive outlook in life. =D