I haven't written anything in a while. Not that it matters though. I'm just... I don't even know.It's like my life is a series of routine, seriously though I'm starting to get used to this life. I'll vent out my life's complications some other time, but in the mean time, I just want to write and express my feelings into words.
Coherency eludes me. In my mind is a constant stream of thoughts - worries, actually. It's a challenge to keep being positive when the world doesn't seem to conform with your desires.
It's been often said that the best way to be happy is to forget past regrets, avoid worrying about the future and focus on the present instead. I've never been practicing that. But lately it's been very difficult to think about the future. It also hasn't been easy to remember the past. I wish the present would stand still.
There's nothing I want more than to make the present stay where it is. I often wonder which is worst: being the one leaving or the one left behind? I have experienced both. And the latter, it's not something anyone would wish to go through.
Memories are killing me deep inside. I don't want to rush on things just like what I did before.
I just want to stand still and enjoy things right now.
Okay, enough for this emo-ness. Honestly I just want to erase certain memories in my head that keeps me waking up in the middle of the night.
I know, I know it was my fault. I exerted too much effort during the courting process but I ended up being fooled by a girl whom I gave everything, whom I promise to catch each and every stars in the sky just to give her. The girl whom I waited for hours in the bus stop just to accompany her home safe.
All I want now is to make the present stay where it is. My hopes are high that I know this time I made the right choice.
Stay happy my dear jeane.
From the deepest voice of my heart, I love you.
-Anton
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