November starts

Christmas is in the air. The cold breeze of Christmas is everywhere but before anything else, I would like to greet everyone a : 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

May all our departed love ones rest in peace. They are all now in a nice place we called heaven, so let us pray for them and always remember to stay happy.

Random things:

It's been a couple of months ever since I felt this way. She's all I think about. Seriously though even in dreams, I can still feel her warm presence. Dreams are products of our subconscious mind. What I mean is that, our subconscious mind keeps this fragile memories we kept on suppressing. We can fool ourselves but not our mind. 

And to clear things,Honestly I think I'm falling deeply in love. I even told myself that I would give one more try in a relationship after a year  because I have this fear of  taking chances but I believe God is telling me that I don't need that much time. 

And now, I know I'm ready but all I have are hopes and wishes.

I hope she felts the same way I did. I wish that she thinks about me too. She really is kind,sweet and pretty inside and out. She even deserves a better guy  rather than a good for nothing Anton  and I may sound selfish but I still wanted to have her in my own arms. 

She's the nicest thing I have ever seen. Guess I'm just lucky I met her by chance, the last days of Graduation in College or should I say destiny finds its way on both of us. Whatever it may be, I'm glad that she crossed my life.

P.S.

I'm on a night shift schedule, I hope I can't fall asleep in my duty.

>Antonski 

Happy Endings

I woke up from a dream.I thought I was in Neverland, a place where people never grew up. I wanted to stay on that place and how I wish the dream never ended.

I took a deep breath and give myself another try. It didn't took long before I fell asleep again, it was just a matter of seconds.

And I saw myself caught in a beautiful place. "Is this utopia?" I asked myself again.It never crossed my mind that a place like this still exist but I was wrong.

Beneath the center of the place was a big castle,surrounded with trees of different shades. It was a place full of smiles,and every people I met seems happy.

It was like Neverland,but its quite different.I saw people of different ages.

I came to ask one of the bystanders outside the castle,curiosity sprouted out and I started to speak.

"Good day mister, What do you call this place? Who lives in that big castle?"

I was full of what if's and questions. I wanted to ask more and suddenly the guy spoked.

"It seems that you are new in this place, this place is called Eternia."

And he added: "In that big castle lives a beautiful princess named Chel." She is the only daughter of the King and Queen, and she is next to the throne."

"Oh well, I see. Thanks for answering my questions sir. It did help me a lot." I replied.

"Could I enter that place?" I added.

"Certainly you can but remember to stay away from the princess".

The conversation ended and I saw myself in the midst of uncertainty. I wanted to go and see what's inside and honestly I really wanted to see the princess the guy was telling.What does she look like, Is she kind enough to talk to people outside her abode? All this things came out of my mind and I can't help myself but feed my curiosity.

I decided to enter and see for myself the princess.

The place was full of people. People of different races, they wore old fashioned clothes, the ones I only saw in movies. I came to ask one of the royal guards where the princess is and he responded:

"Why do you want to see the princess?" "The princess could only speak to noble people"

And he added: "You are wearing a weird clothing sir, are you a prince from another place?"

Then I realized that I was wearing my pajamas, I'm lucky indeed I said to myself.The royal guard had mistaken my pajamas as a noble clothing maybe because pajamas are not common on that place. I never intended to tell a lie, I'm not really a prince or a noble man, I'm just a simple guy caught in a land different from mine.

And I added:

"Hmm. I'm Sir Anton the son of King Thelios the II, I came here to visit the princess."

"I'm very sorry my majesty, the princess' room is at the center of the palace. The door with a golden knob is her room, you can easily recognize her room."

I made my way to the room. I saw the room and with all courage, I gave a knock

A dulcet voice answered: "You may come in"

The voice echoed to the corridor, it was soft but clear. It sounded like an angel but I haven't seen an angel until I opened the room.

And there I saw, one of the prettiest face I've ever seen. I'm not exaggerating on this part. I really did saw an angel caught in a lady's body. She is wearing a lovely gown made of silk. Her hair is short and black.Her eyes are like crystals,shining brightly and one more thing, I can never forget her smiles. She had the sweetest smile that can melt an iceberg.

The princess stared at me and noticed that I was lost in thought. Truly I was held captive of her beauty.

"Sir,still there? she asked with a smile.

"Yes my lady." I responded.

We started conversing about trivial matters. The room was full of chit chats and smiles. And I found myself resting on her arms.I't didn't seem right,it ought to have been the other way around but it wasn't. I realized that I was happy, this is what I wanted. We continued to talk with each other for a long time.

And little by little, I learned a lot about her. Her name was Lady Richelle.She loves watching the stars and she speaks little about herself. She is kind hearted and a loving daughter. She was unique.

The conversation was interrupted by a knock from the door. A man came inside and gave the sweet lady a big hug.

I was really jealous, she had my whole world in his arms.

It was her husband, I never thought that she is already married. It seems that I lose by default.I started to feel a pain that burns a hole inside. How I wish It was just a dream.

Then I woke again in the middle of the cold night with tears in my pillows.

It was just a dream.

Notes:

>The things written above are partly fiction. It shadows my thoughts and feelings.
>I'm tired, all I need is a simple space where I can express my thoughts into writing.
>This past weeks, I started to volunteer to a public hospital in our place.I'm very happy that I'm starting to practice my profession.
>I promise to post every week,hopefully.
>Keep on smiling people.

Antonski

Pinoy Blogosphere

"You're not alone now and welcome to the Blogosphere." this words by kuya jhong had inspired me. Thanks kuya jhong,indeed the pinoy blogosphere is such a big family.

Pinoys are really talented,I believe. The increasing number of pinoy bloggers are the proofs that pinoys are definitely skilled writers. We are all different in every aspects,different writing style,values and beliefs but we share one common thing- our love for writing.

I could say that my writing style was influenced by Richard Bach,the author behind the famous book "Jonathan Livingston Seagull". And ever since I enjoy reading his books and dreamed of someday becoming a great writer. I'm still a novice in writing,my english is not fluent and had lots of grammatical lapses,(the use of verbs,proper positioning of punctuations and the subject verb agreement,etc.).I use hackneyed expressions and cliches and I even sometimes misspelled words,it may sound ironic though but writing makes me happy,so I'll continue doing this no matter what.

And for all of you to know,I am a frustrated journalist and writer but I never regretted becoming a nurse. I have a bright future ahead,I am optimistic of my chosen field because there are lots of opportunities in hand,inside and outside of our country. All I need is to grab this opportunity and continue pursuing my dreams. My profession and my writing can go hand in hand, I can work while writing during my free time. It can both exist in a world where people's expectations are high, those people that are telling me that I can never do such things but I know I can.

The world can impose rules and standards on me but it can never stop me in pursuing my dreams. In the end what matters most is not fame nor popularity and riches but the sense of fulfillment that you choose the things you like most and the life you wanted.

-Antonski

I'll blow your candles

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST SISTER

Hows life up there? Things seems different without you in our house. Its been 2 years since you left. And now it's your 12th birthday but I guess, numbers are not significant up there. God will be giving you a birthday celebration,and I know it will be a big one,Please blow your candles for me and I'll blow your candles down here. We will be celebrating together. Mama will prepare a small salo salo for you.

And I forgot, here's your cake ,hope you like it.

We will be blowing your candles together,at the count of 3.

1......2.....3...... Happy birthday Carla

I know your happy now,and I'm sorry because I can't really send you a real cake.This all I got,if only I could reach you up there,surely you'll be having a real present.

I'm still waiting for your last hug.

-Kuya

Ennui

Boredom is killing me right now.I don't want to get used to this routine.

I need to get a new job or something worth while to do. Hopefully next week, I'll be claiming my nurse license card.

And then I can immediately start my IV therapy training after I get hold of my license,need to get busy.

My post is kinda short, I'm very sorry,this might be the effect of too much boredom.lol

Ciao.

-Antonskie ^_^

A letter sealed with hopes

Dear Mr. Anton Jay Tan,

This thing is urgent and I am sorry for writing to you in the midst of uncertainties. I know you have some personal emotional issues,you have been hiding this past years.It has been very difficult for you to stand alone with this problems,Its not easy to deal with it but in due time,everything will be just fine.

Please understand,It always have bothered me.I tried to hold it off from you for a couple of weeks. It always have tried to get out from within me. I tried to suppress it over and over again though I still tried to, this time I can’t. My emotional guards have just to let it through and Again, please understand.

It seems to me that your living in the shadows of the past. Let go of it. Don't let yourself be consumed by loneliness. As the saying goes:"everything happens for a reason",remember that.

I really pray that as you are reading this, you won't help but smile with satisfaction that you have let God lead you where you need to be. Remember to keep the faith going. I hope you are doing what you've always wanted to do and that you've learned to overcome all the fears that used to stop you from doing what you love most.Never procrastinate. I hope you've learned to build lasting friendships.Learn from the past, my dear friend.And one more thing,tell your lady,your feelings for her.I know its hard to confess your love for her,knowing that she deserves a better guy. You don't want to lose by default aren't you? I know she will be reading this letter too, so goodluck.

And most of all I hope you'll never forget Him. I am hoping that as you read this, you and He still talk and you still let Him take the lead.

I hope you're happy.Send me words that your okay, I'll be waiting.

With love ,
Your twenty one year-old self

P.S. Don't be afraid to fall in love again.

Grave of the fireflies

"And they both perish in a game called war"

I had finally watched the movie Grave of the fireflies,both the anime and live action version. And I would like to give my sincere gratitude to my lovely friend Richelle for recommending me this one of a kind movie.

And all I can say is that the movie was a job well done. It was a very inspiring and thought provoking story of the siblings Setsuko and Seita who were caught in the midst of World war II in Japan.

Random realizations:

Far beyond history is concerned, world war II was one of the most devastating stories ever told. Thousands of innocent lives perished and blood shed all over the world. Even the survivors of this pathetic war reminiscence their experiences, smiling for old pictures that gets emptier each passing day. Reminding them that once,people acted foolishly and selfishly which resulted to the war.

Setsuko and Seita only wanted a simple life but it was impossible during the war. They both died because of hunger,they were innocent and young. The bombing incident in pearl harbor and Hiroshima has caused a lot of people to starve. Both the American and Japanese had their share of responsibility in the war. And who are we to blame them? We are all victims of war, I believe.

Until know, we are all facing a war, not literally a war were men killed each other in order to survive but the war in which violence, hunger and most of all hatred still exist.

I came to realized that I am so lucky because I don't have to bother about the basic necessities of life. I graduated from a good school, I eat three times a day and I live in a comfortable house. My mother had provided me with all the things I needed but under the same bright blue sky, many are suffering from the threats of hunger,inequality and poverty.

God is indeed so good,Thank God.

-Anton